A Week In My Life - Volume 1
I love YouTube. I don't know what it is about this social media platform, but watching people go about their lives, do clothing hauls, or intricately apply makeup from their "favourites" collection somehow captivates me and draws me in, time after time. "Vlogging" has elevated this platform to a whole new level. People all over the world are grabbing their cameras or phones and filming what they get up to on a daily basis, whether it's important meetings and photoshoots, or laundry and cooking segments.
I could never be a YouTuber. I am way too critical of the way I look on camera and I think I would just obsess about proper angles and lighting even more than I do now for pictures. But truth be told, I love watching others. I love seeing what people do every day. In a weird way, for me in eating disorder recovery, daily and weekly vlogs inspire me. It's almost as if watching these people live their lives motivates me to keep fighting my illness so that I can keep living my life, too.
I am trying to have today's post resemble those "Week In My Life" YouTube series, where vloggers compile a montage of clips from their week into one video. I want to provide you all with some insight as to what a week in eating disorder recovery looks like. I hope that you will see that it is not all about the food. Yes, food plays a huge part in my week, but I am trying to remove the focus from that a little.
I hope you enjoy this A WEEK IN MY LIFE series. Let me know if you would like to see more!
What am I grateful for?
This week, I'm grateful that I get to start working in social media marketing again. My relationship with Jacklyn and Leanna at Social Movement began a couple of years ago, and I have been working for them on and off over the years. As of Friday, March 1st, I was able to take on a client and really put my social media skills into practice. I didn't go to school for business or marketing, so there is always a lot to learn. But, the social media field is something I really enjoy, so getting my feet wet in digital marketing once again is exciting.
When did I experience joy this week?
The kids at work always bring me joy. While most of them struggle with school, the kids I see at the learning centre are some of the brightest and most hardworking students out there. What made me happy? A little boy coloured a picture for me after his class, signing it with his initials. Another little student showed me that he could now properly draw star shapes, something he couldn't do just three weeks ago. Some kids brought in phenomenal report cards, revealing that their efforts are paying off.
What I'm trying to say with all of this is: my job really brings me joy. It is a headache to go into work at times, and there are mornings and afternoons when I would much rather be at home. Especially on days where I am experiencing anxiety, self-critical thoughts, and body image issues. But, at least once a day, something or someone makes me feel genuinely happy at work. And I wouldn't trade that for anything.
What's bothering me?
Plain and simple: the eating disorder. And quite honestly, the fact that I need to gain weight. Seeing the number go up on the scale is one of the hardest things for me. I know that weight gain will lead to good things - improved health, improved energy levels, improved mood. Yet still, wrapping my head around weight gain is not an easy task.
What are my priorities at the moment?
Nutrition. Self-care. Treating myself kindly.
Damn, those are tough things for me to prioritize! But, I had my appointment with my dietitian. I am resting when I feel tired. Treating myself kindly... well, that's a work in progress. It's hard to be kind to yourself when you are gaining weight and going against everything that your head is telling you to do. I have my rational thoughts all lined up so I can fight back, but the eating disorder voice still gets the best of me most times. So, I am actively making an effort to not be so "mean" to myself. To forgive myself for eating better and gaining weight but to also remind myself that I want to get my strength back, both physically and mentally. So, if more food is the answer... then more food it will be.
What was my favourite quote this week?
"Sometimes you need to step outside, clear your head, and remind yourself of who you are. And where you want to be".
Relying on Gossip Girl for this piece of wisdom! (No judgment, please).
What made me laugh this week?
Tuesday was a horrible day for me. I was overtired and annoyed at the fact that my body seemed to be feeling it too. My back was sore, I had a stomach ache, and I was not feeling myself. I decided to take an Uber home (once again, no judging - especially because I live so close to work!) but I'm glad I did. Why? You'll never guess what my Uber driver's name was.
Tell me you didn't just laugh a little! When I got the little notification that Zuber was picking me up via Uber, I couldn't help but smile. It doesn't always have to be the "big things" that bring joy to our lives. Sometimes, we just have to laugh at the little moments of joy that help get us out of that negative place, even if it's just temporarily.
If I could share one message with the world, what would it be?
Trust the timing of things. Life has a funny way of working itself out, especially when you least expect it. I have experienced a lot of hardship in life. But over the years, I have developed the ability to see the positive in all of this hardship. I have come to trust that even when it feels like "the end of the world", I always manage to get through, and I always manage to draw something positive out of the experience. You know the old saying "when one door closes, another one opens"? Sometimes, when one door closes, try to open it again a little later. (As long as that door will lead to positive things for you!).
What lesson did I learn this week?
I learned that I have wonderful people surrounding me on this journey to full recovery. I have nothing but the biggest supporters cheering me on. Now, I have to accept their help and reach out to them when I'm in need. I have a bunch of people holding out their hands for me to grab onto and now I need to, well, grab on. Grab on tight and don't let go because people don't hold out their hands forever.
There we have it.
It has been a cool experience to do a "recap" of my life this week. For a lot of us, we get so consumed by the thoughts in our head, so writing them down has been a good way to solidify everything and give me purpose for the week to come.
I don't mean for this to come across as "preachy", but try it. Try analyzing your week a little further. What you find out about yourself may surprise you!