You Thought Wrong / The Real Reason Why I Blog
Well, I received my first hate message the other week. The truth is, at this point in my life, I don't care much about what people think of me. But I care a little. When people write to me telling me that all I'm doing is asking for attention in the eating disorder community, it does kind of hurt.
If you know me well, I'm the furthest thing from an attention-seeker. I rarely spoke up in class, and in group conversations, I prefer to be the listener. I have my close relationships but I am never one to be the most outgoing in the gang. I dress pretty conservatively and my behaviour is never outrageous.
But wait... now I am giving this comment too much power. I don't want to sit here and try and convince YOU why I'm NOT an attention-seeker.
My purpose is clear to me. I write because it makes me feel good. It is a way for me to journal and get my story out to the world, where my ultimate goal is to reach and help as many people as possible. I post pictures of myself on social media because... well, that's what social media is about, really. If pictures of me or my words about my life bother you, I'm sorry. My intention is not to annoy you or to anger you.
And just the other day, I received a message from someone I know telling me to stop blogging because it prevents me from moving forward in my recovery, and it keeps me "stuck" in my eating disorder. Truthfully, I'm a little upset by this. Blogging, for me, is one of the only healthy coping mechanisms I utilize. I have always loved writing and now, instead of writing my thoughts in a journal, I am using an online platform - does that remove all validity in what I do? Secondly, no one has any right to tell you (or me) what to do or what not to do. People can advise and suggest, but I have learned to trust myself over the years and I know what works for ME.
So, I'm not even sorry to say that I will not stop blogging right now. Why?
I want to give a voice to those with mental health issues that are too shy to speak up.
I want to bring the discussion about mental health to the forefront so that there is less of a stigma.
I want to talk about my real life experiences because I am certain that many people, with or without eating disorders, can relate in one way or another.
I want to motivate people to seek treatment for their eating disorder even though it is hands-down one of the scariest moves to make in recovery.
And I want to connect with people. In an age where connection is oftentimes broken by technology, I have been able to interact with so many people from all over the world. Some of whom I dare to call my best friends.
So, while your comments do sting a little, I hope my reasons for doing what I do are a little more clear to you. Maybe that was my mistake; perhaps I wasn't clear enough. But what has literally saved me from going into a full-blown relapse is talking to you all through my blog, and using Instagram and Facebook as a way to put my thoughts out into the world. I hope it all makes a little bit more sense now. Ultimately, we are all just looking to survive... and while I can't promise to provide any surefire tips, I do hope that you might be able to pull something from my posts. Even just a word or two.
And if you can't, that's okay too. Blogging started out as a project for me, and I continue to love doing it. So, to me, it is all worth it.