IMG_1195.JPG

Hi.

Welcome to my blog! I'll be documenting my journey through eating disorder recovery. Read on to find out more!

I Bought Paper Towels And Did Laundry And I Couldn't Be Happier

I Bought Paper Towels And Did Laundry And I Couldn't Be Happier

Confused?

Let me explain myself. 

I made two trips to the store on Sunday... one to the pharmacy, and one to the grocery store. I decided to make two trips so that I could carry everything from the store to my apartment. My parents really want me to get one of those little shopping carts that I can roll up the hill as I walk home... but I just can't! I can usually balance practicality and style pretty well but I just can't commit to a shopping cart. So, I take two trips. 

The thing is, some weird wave of happiness came over me on Sunday afternoon. I was putting my groceries away, filling my closets with cleaning supplies, and hanging my laundry to dry when all of a sudden, it hit me: "I'm doing adult things". Now, this may sound weird... but let's rewind to December of last year... December 2016. 

I was an inpatient at the Douglas Mental Health Institution, being treated (once again) for anorexia. I was limited in terms of my freedom (I had to be on the premises 24/7), and I was limited in terms of my responsibilities, too. I had to ask to use the bathroom. My biggest food choice involved specifying "apple" or "orange" at evening snack. I had to have my vitals monitored, and I had to follow the routine of the unit. 

It was quite a difficult way to spend the holidays. My anxiety was at an all-time high and I was undergoing the gruelling process of refeeding and weight gain. 

Flash-forward to the present day.

I made TWO trips to the store. I bought REAL, ADULT things (hello paper towels, dish soap, and toilet paper) and I did REAL, ADULT tasks (laundry and meal-prep, what else?!). It wasn't the most EXCITING Sunday afternoon, but the point is, I was living my life as a young adult. I was taking care of myself and my apartment. I was using my freedom in a way that was beneficial to my health. I had no thoughts about wanting to be back in the "safety" of treatment. 

And that, my friends, is why I was so happy to buy paper towels and do laundry. It was the realization that I could live my life in recovery and be somewhat "okay" that made me smile. Most times, we get so caught up in the "negatives" of being an adult. Bills, mortgage, rent... everything seems dreary and boring. 

But truth be told, and I speak from experience - having been removed from having ANY type of adult responsibility has made me especially thankful for responsibility this year. Now, I'm not saying that I love to pay rent... I mean come on, I don't care for it at all! But, this year, I CAN pay rent. I can pay rent and actually LIVE in my apartment (instead of living in a hospital). I CAN buy cleaning supplies because I am LIVING in my apartment and well, things get dirty! I do laundry because I wear my clothes to work and, this December, I am actually WORKING! 

So, what seemed like a pretty "mundane" and "routine" Sunday afternoon made me realize just how grateful I am to be healthy enough to take care of myself and my surroundings. And I don't know if it gets any better than that.

oratory2.jpg
The Part Of The Holidays That No One Really Talks About

The Part Of The Holidays That No One Really Talks About

Recognize The Small Victories (it's a process, after all)

Recognize The Small Victories (it's a process, after all)